


Ananas au secours!

by moriann



Category: Téléfrançais
Genre: Français | French, Fruit Being Awesome, Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 21:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2826551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moriann/pseuds/moriann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Ananas si vous voulez jamais revoir Pilote STOP Venez à l'Hôtel Marseille STOP À côté du troisième palmier dans le lobby STOP Mot de passe: l'oiseau est tombé et l'amibe est morte STOP Venez seul STOP</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ananas au secours!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lysimache](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lysimache/gifts).



Ananas was enjoying his Florida job. It had sunshine and warmth -- all the things that make a fruit happy. He was also enjoying the company of other fruit: Miss Watermelon was quite lovely -- and she had a great singing voice. Take that, all the people who kept telling him, _Les fruits ne parlent pas. Ce n'est pas possible!_ Hah!

Not to mention the fact that he had really come to enjoy the lack of undue excitement: no parachute jumps, no exhausting runs, no dangerous camping excursions. Just the sun, the beach, and little umbrellas in his drinks.

Unfortunately, his leisurely time off came to an abrupt close one lazy afternoon, when his doorbell rang. It was a telegram! He did not think that in this day and age people still sent telegrams, but here it was, right in front of his eyes.

_Ananas si vous voulez jamais revoir Pilote STOP Venez à l'Hôtel Marseille STOP À côté du troisième palmier dans le lobby STOP Mot de passe: l'oiseau est tombé et l'amibe est morte STOP Venez seul STOP_

"Hah!" said Ananas. "I was wondering what happened to Pilote! Looks like she's in trouble. And someone wants me to help her. Me!" He brimmed with pride. This will show everyone -- not only can he speak, he can also provide a daring rescue.

Ananas to the rescue!

~~

Ananas had never had to be a hero before, and he was at a loss how to start. Just as he was about to give up, he heard a voice announce, seemingly out of nowhere, "Et maintenant, un test!"

_Yes!_ thought Ananas, and it was probably the first time he was ever happy about a test. But a test would give him a clue how to proceed, so he listened intently to the question.

  
_Pour sauver quelqu'un, on a besoin de:_

_A. une amie;_

_B. un chapeau et un nœud papillon;_

_C. un plan._   


Ananas pondered the answers. It couldn't be a friend – after all, the current problem was that his friend was not here. So clearly the first available answer had to be correct. A hat and a bow tie it is! He vaguely remembered that Monsieur Pourquoi, le Superdetective, wore a hat and a bow tie, and he solved mysteries, just as Ananas would now solve the mystery of Pilote's disappearance.

The Announcer tried to call and tell him, "Non! Non! Tu dois avoir un plan, Ananas!" but it was too late. Ananas was already rushing out to the hotel.

~~

Ananas was in such a rush to rescue Pilote that he arrived at the hotel much too early for the meeting. He looked around the lobby and counted the palm trees in huge pots that were lined up along the walls. Un, deux... trois! That was where he would have to wait.

But what if the person he was meeting didn't notice him?! After all, he might be becoming a hero, but he was still a small pineapple. Ananas looked around for ideas. If he stood on the floor, the pot would completely cover him; that was no good. If he stood a bit further away, they might not notice him; that wouldn't do either. Then he raised his head and thought, _Ha! J'ai une idée!_ Above him was was the palm and its wide leaves. That would be a perfect waiting spot for him –- from above he would be able to see everyone and surely wouldn't miss anything!

However, it turned out that it's not easy climbing a palm tree when one's just a fruit. When he finally got to the top, his arms were tired from gripping the palm's trunk, his belly hurt from where he scraped it against the rough bark of the tree, and his feet ached as well. But it was still very early, so he decided to take a quick nap to recuperate. After all, a rescue is probably best performed when one is well rested.

And then he fell asleep.

~~

He was dreaming about meeting a very cute strawberry, when something woke him up. For a moment, he was slightly disoriented. Why was he surrounded by huge green leaves? But then he remembered: the rescue! He peeked down between the leaves to see what it was that had woken him up, and saw a man and a woman standing underneath the palm tree. The man was wearing a trench coat and dark sunglasses and looking around nervously.

"Psst! L'oiseau est tombé et l'amibe est morte!" he hissed.

As for the woman, Ananas could only see her shoulders and the top of her head, but he was certain – it must be Pilote! She was standing really still and suddenly he noticed – the man had a gun!

_Mon dieu!_ thought Ananas. _Quoi faire maintenant?!_

He felt panicked. After all, what can a fruit do in such a situation? Then he realised: when he had problems making a decision earlier, a test helped. But in this situation, there was no Announcer to aid him. He would just have to come up with the questions and answers on his own. After all, he was now in the hero business! _Alors!_

_Si tu vois un revolver, quoi faire?_

_A. Ne fais rien!_

_B. Appelle la police!_

_C. Affole-toi!_   


And... nothing. It didn't help! He still had no idea what to do, and the man with the gun was saying again, "L'oiseau est tombé et l'amibe est morte!" this time louder and with audible irritation. Ananas hurriedly racked his brain, _What to do, what to do?!_ and turned around to see if there was no one else nearby who could come to the rescue. Just as he was turning, though, he lost his grip on the palm leaf and promptly fell down. He closed his eyes and felt the air rush around him as he went down. His last thought before he hit the floor was, "Maybe pineapples cannot be heroes after all…"

~~

Ananas woke up to the feeling of being hugged. He briefly considered that maybe this was the pineapple afterlife -- just being enveloped by a warm hug. He was rather sceptical about it, though, so he tried opening one eye. He still couldn't see anything, because he was being hugged, so he made a rather nondescript noise of protest. 

"Oh, Ananas! Tu m'as sauvée!" he heard Pilote say. "You fell on the criminal's head and knocked him out!"

Ananas felt his chest swell with pride. He succeeded!

_Il était... un Super-ananas!_

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to ElStaplador for corralling my runaway tenses in two different languages and hunting down the preceding direct object.


End file.
